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July 5th, 2009
11:44 pm - Stinky 4th
We went to the Oregon coast to spend the holiday weekend with Matt's dad and his wife who own this huge house on a hill overlooking the ocean. I wasn't even sure what ostentatious meant until I met them, but it totally defines them and their lifestyle.
We only visit once or twice a year. Matt's dad left the family when Matt was 14 and they were out of contact for about 15 years. Matt contacted his dad after Clio was born and it's been a little weird, but friendly. His dad is genuinely sweet to the kids and although it's still a little strained with Matt, they do fine.
The weekend was mostly fine. Barbara, the dad's wife, is friendly but there's something about her that is a little unnerving. She LOVES fairies and the house is over-the-top decorated with them. I don't know if you know this, but Tinkerbell is stacked. I find it a little odd that a 70 year old woman is fairy obsessed, but whatever. She also speaks to the kids in a super high baby voice. Oh and, she has a flippy haircut, bleached blonde hair and overly tanned skin so she kind of looks like an Oompa Loompa. Really though, those things are weird, a little scary but not offensive. What's offensive is that she feels the need to shove her right wing bullshit at me whenever she gets a chance.
The live in this big house, on a hill, and they are moving to a big new house in a gated community in Prescott, Arizona....and they are afraid of all sorts of weird things.
I've gotten into political arguments with them before and it bugs Matt...but I spent two days trying to escape their FOX-speak and then I just couldn't. I mentioned something about how Dario has started to shoot at us with anything he can, like carrots, and that Clio never did that...anyway, Barb said her kids played guns and they were all fine...I said that Clio doesn't like being shot at because it comes off as being an aggressive act...she says, "I don't see how that's aggressive, it's just normal," and then jumps to, "I'm glad we have guns and no one is going to take away my right to bear arms?" It was such a weird, non-linear jump that it caught me off guard, so when she next said, "Communities where there are more concealed weapons are statistically safer," I just couldn't grin and bear it. Anyway, I'll stop with the painful details but she and her husband are throwing these nutty statistics that are just total bullshit at me...how the Democrats are the wealthiest, the bring up George Soros, and I tell you..if a conservative brings up George Soros it's only because they watch FOX news. Fucking parrots.
Anyway, I'm up at midnight because I can't get over my reaction to this argument. My heart was beating, I had a lump in my throat. It bugs me that at 40, I can't talk politics with someone who is on the opposite side of the fence without having such a strong emotional reaction. Also, Matt got annoyed that I got into this with them, when it won't change their minds...but if I sit there in silence, it's like agreeing. It meant that he wouldn't let me rehash the ridiculous of the whole thing, the crazy ass things they said and I need to vent.
I think I feel better. I'm never on here. I hope everyone is doing well!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/shock.gif) anxious
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March 4th, 2009
10:08 pm - Klio in Kindergarten
Not yet, but it's looming. Last week I dragged my flu suffering self to an informational meeting at one of the local alternative schools here. I guess it's a charter school. I'm not sure what that means. It's lottery to get into and has a stated emphasis on emotional and social development. I loved the place. The teachers were amazing, the community focus I love, the other parents...kind of annoying. We'll see. Matt's going to the next informational meeting. He'll have a more critical eye. He went to an alternative school in Corte Madera and loved it, but the transition to a more conventional school in 5th grade was very jarring. Going down that path is a commitment.
Last week was terrible. Actually, the last couple of weeks have been rough because of illnesses, migraines and problems between Matt and I. It all started with a discussion about the yard. I'm trying really hard to be 'green' and our leaf-blowing landscape guy makes it hard. I asked him not to leaf blow and to use our electric mower and he won't go for it. Anyway, it almost felt like Matt and I were going to break up over me wanting to get rid of all the lawn. If we were childless and in our 20s, we just might have...but we know better now.
This week has been great! My crazy mom is here. I feel good. I saw my neurologist and he's trying different approaches to get rid of my migraines and he doesn't see any symptoms of my meningioma causing problems so I don't have to get another MRI until late summer. The Free Choir had a very fun, very crowded show at Tradition's with Kimya Dawson, Dave End and Eleanor Murray. Dave End is fantastic. Kimya was in the process of recording with friends and invited the choir to sing back up on a few songs last night. Tons of us showed up. OF COURSE. The choir is the best. Everyone should move to Olympia just to be in it.
OH and my dad is getting me fiddle lessons for my birthday. Not at all what I need, but really nice of him.
The kids are loving and really fun to hang out with.
Spring must be around the corner.
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February 5th, 2009
05:20 pm - High school
Today I found out a friend that I knew from high school and college was killed while riding his bike up in Seattle. I was saddened to hear about his death, and shocked, but I hadn't even seen him since 91. The thing that has been weird is how there have been all these emails back and forth between friends and people I barely know from high school about this guy. It brought back all these memories of people and events from high school. I'm going to Kevin's memorial this weekend and will see a bunch of people that I haven't seen in decades. It's producing lots of anxiety.
In general I have very vague memories about the whole time. It's weird to me how little I remember of it, but maybe that's normal? I mean, I get Facebook friend invites from people who were in my class and I have no recollection of them at all. It was a 1500 person high school, so I guess that's not surprising. I didn't hate high school, but besides playing soccer and a handful of good friends, I didn't really enjoy it. I felt ugly (I remember one boy barking at me my freshman year) and not very smart. Things changed when I left Riverside and moved up north. I remember my first day at San Francisco State and feeling like a boy there was checking me out. It was the first time it had ever happened.
One thing I've wondered is if people who move away from their town and high school friends early on, have less connection and less memories of that time than people that stay close to home.
I have lots of catching up to do on my friends' LJ journals. I've been trying to work on that local family resource website, which is going very very slow.
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January 23rd, 2009
05:10 pm - Olympia Families
Some friends and I are trying to start up a website for Olympia area parents that will have resources, events, a discussion board and a place to trade items. All three of us moved to Olympia without knowing many people and all as parents of young kids. We're excited, and a little overwhelmed since most of us can't find time to poop.
I know of Berkeley Parents Network and the awesome Portland urbanmamas.com site, but if you have any suggestions of similar sites, please let me know. Also let me know if there is something you think would be beneficial to have on our site. So far we have the following areas:
Discussion board on whatever topics
Ratings of restaurants, parks, kid events
Green parenting tips
Information on policies, proposed policies that impact families
Classifieds - maybe
Links to relevant blogs
Possibly a marketplace promoting local businesses later
Movie/Music reviews
That's what we have so far.
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January 22nd, 2009
07:58 pm - It's only January
This winter feels long already. I think like a lot of people around here, I'm struggling not to feel emotionally smothered by the dark, cold days. Mood swings for me are normal, but there's something about winter that brings out the sadness like no other season. I just keep thinking that it's only January. There are at least a couple more months of this.
There are fun, good things going on to. I took the kids to a MLK day walk that was part of a day of action against poverty. The march was lively and the kids were great. When we got to the Capitol, Clio asked me who we were going to give our money to. I had tried to explain redistribution to her but it was confusing.
The free choir has had two fun shows. We did our first performance at the library last Friday. It was packed, due to notable acts and a community that LOVES it's library. Then Kimya and the choir were invited to play a few songs at an inauguration event at a downtown movie theater. Only a handful of us in the choir were able to make it, but it was also a super fun time. The kids got to be on stage, and we were up there singing as Bush was boarding the helicopter to fly away.
So, I'm not sure why the gloomy mood is here. We've all been healthy, my family is well except for some stress my mom is going through, and we've been having some fun. It's hard for me to imagine, but I wonder if those sunlamps really help people. I'm not there yet. Just curious.
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January 8th, 2009
08:55 am - Drat
I want to give Mother Nature a kick in the knees. I had plans to take Dario down on Portland on the train tomorrow and come back Saturday afternoon but because rain and snow melt, flooding has closed a portion of I-5 between here and PDX and Amtrak has suspended trains on the route until Saturday.
We were going to stay with my friend Elizabeth and her boyfriend was going to watch Dario so that we could go out on Friday night. I had plans to see a friend I haven't seen since high school and a former roommate from SF. I feel bad for people who have to evacuate, the farmer's who haven't even recovered from last year but I'm bummed for me too.
I'm disappointed for obvious reasons, but I've also been battling a major emotional funk and this weekend was the bright spot. Matt has been pretty depressed and when he's in this place, it's like a dark cloud settles over the house. Combine that with the dark clouds that are darkening the outside sky and it's been hard to keep a jolly disposition. I also miss my friends. I've been here 2 years now and I have a nice group of people to hang out with, but I just haven't found what I feel like I need. We had friends over for New Year's day and a couple and their kids over some other time recently and it was fun, but just not totally comfortable. I said something to Matt and he said, "That's me. I'm the one who brings that energy to a group." I don't know if it's all him. When we've had friends from out of town visit, it's not like that.
I love being home with the kids, but I'm really needing something else. A part-time job would be great, but the longer I'm out of my field the more difficult it's going to find something . I saw an office manager job at non-profit I like, but I'm so out of touch with current software that I'm not even qualified for that type of job now. It's not looking good.
The super pity party continues.
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January 2nd, 2009
08:49 pm - Super Pity Party
I've felt like total shit the last three days, and there is something about starting the new year feeling so crappy that makes it more depressing than feeling like shit normally does. On New Year's Eve we went out for Chinese food and on the way into the restaurant I felt a migraine coming on. I took Ibuprofen, but it didn't help and the migraine bloomed into a doozy that night, subsided a bit on New Year's Day and then came back extra strong early this morning. It had me crying it hurt so bad, even though crying makes it worse. I was also feeling sorry for myself because it was a gorgeous day, Matt was off work and the kids were in great moods, ready for fun. It sucked.
( Read more... )
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December 27th, 2008
10:41 am - Tinkertease
On Christmas eve I was putting gifts that Matt's dad dropped off last month under the tree. There was an obscene amount, something they do every year, and it kind of bugs me because we get the kids a couple of gifts but try not to go overboard. There are four sets of grandparents and three sets have been briefed on what kind of gifts and the amount that we like, but Matt and his dad have an awkward relationship and only recently reconnected after not talking for 18 years, so Matt feels that he doesn't want to step on his dad's grandparently toes.
I noticed one box felt suspiciously like a Barbie, and since Matt and I have told the other g/p sets that we're not ready for Barbies, I opened the top to peek in and seeing that it was a "Princess Tinkerbell" I put it aside. Matt and I debated about it and I decided to not give it to Clio, but the after thinking about it during the night, I put it under the tree. I wasn't sure if there would be Tinkerbell accessories or whether the grandparents would ask Clio about it. I felt crummy about it, but I just wasn't sure what to do.
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December 23rd, 2008
09:08 pm - The honeymoon is over
Maybe. I don't know. Clio and Dario are exactly 2.5 years apart and have gotten along pretty well in that time. Today, after being basically snowed in for 6 days, the sibling love crumbled. I had wanted to strangle Dario a couple of times today, so it wasn't unreasonable that Clio lost it with him, but the way she reacted to losing it was intense and sad.
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December 20th, 2008
10:38 am - They Stay Home
On Kimya Dawson's blog livejournal.com/users/kimya_dawson_/ (I'm sorry I don't know how to easily link it) she is bringing to attention to a horrible custody case happening in Portland. Please take time to read about this family's plight and take action through emailing and phone calls if you can.
shameonvirginia.blogspot.com/
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December 19th, 2008
06:56 am
Clio woke up at 5 this morning with a bad dream and I didn't fall back asleep, so now I'm just eating my 2nd bowl of cereal waiting for someone else to wake up. I feel like I spend so many days in this foggy/sleepy state. I can't really blame it on the kids anymore because they usually sleep well. I'm just really bad at clearing my head and shutting crap out that keeps me awake.
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December 16th, 2008
10:13 pm - Peaches is 5
Today I was telling Clio about the day she was born. I said, "It was such a special day for me. You were my first baby!" She said, "Did your other baby die?" I'm not sure how she got that. Then I told her about the day Dario was born, because she was exactly the age Dario is now, and she was funny and excited about the whole thing. When I was in labor at home, it was only she and I, so as I'm laying on the floor in pain she goes through my bathroom drawer and finds some lipstick which she used right above the center of her upper lip. She looked a little Hitler-ish. She had free reign of the house while I was doing cat to cow on the floor.
She had a nice celebratory day. At Dancing Rainbows, her teacher did a thing where she played some song, Clio got to sit on a sun, Susannah made her a crown and Clio showed pictures of herself at just born, 1, 2, 3, and 4. We had a small thing here and gave her lots of art supplies, so she painted and then we went to choir practice where she was serenaded. She played pick up sticks with Matt before bed and was really happy and loving and grateful.
Clio deserves a long, gushing post but it's late and I still have to bake cookies for her preschool tomorrow. Happy Birthday Sweet Peach.
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December 15th, 2008
03:47 pm - The Olympia Library is open
It was a long two months. Matt and I had time to ourselves this morning which was great and so we went to the library and to lunch. The library looks really good, nice colors, new desks and it's open, which is all that matters to us.
We checked out a couple of Monty Python DVDs, a Townes Van Sant CD set, and bunches of books. It was packed, which makes me love Olympians so much. It was also freezing, which is probably why it was packed.
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December 9th, 2008
09:32 pm - More things to love about Olympia
The City Department of Parks and Rec offers an Urban Bicycling class. Actually, they offer two, one that is specifically for women. It's just incredibly awesome. I haven't ridden a bike since before Clio was born and since my bike was stolen when it was on loan in Sacramento, I won't be taking the class, but I love that they offer it. I used to ride my bike all the time in San Francisco and miss it in some ways, but city riding is stressful. I hope they are still offering the class when Clio is a bike rider.
Another Olympia stand-out is the library. I haven't used the library as much as I have hear since I was a kid (and that includes my 10 year stint at SFSU---but maybe that was part of the problem.) The Olympia library had Mirah play a few months ago with some sort of bug theme. I couldn't go because I had no childcare, but I heard it was great. They closed the library 2 months ago to do some renovations and are finally opening it up again on Monday. T.G.F.that.
Olympia has a Freeschool that seems to be struggling but is awesome as well. Last year I took Dario to a class that was called, "Talking with Toddlers," at the Freeschool taught by someone with tons of experience and knowledge. It was really helpful since Dario has a bit of a speech delay. Now the Freeschool is hosting the Olympia Free Choir which is very fun..oh and there is an Olympia marching band that's open to anyone (with some experience.) I have no band background but the fact that Oly has one makes me happy.
Oh and Olympia has an Over-40 co-ed soccer league. I tried to play last year and right away pulled a tendon in my achilles that STILL hurts (I hurt it on Mother's Day), but I have hopes that I can jump back in at some point. If there was a WALKING soccer league, it would be perfect.
Matt leaves tomorrow for 4 days. Super sucky. I'm living in fear of the stomach flu right now. I'm not sure why. We haven't had it this year yet and I keep hearing stories about families being flattened by it. I'm also very nervous that it will hit when Matt is out of town. It probably won't. I should think positive.
I'm supposed to be working on an appeal letter for my favorite Oly non-profit and I'm so stuck. I wish they'd ask me to do something I'm more comfortable with, like an evaluation...but I guess unless they have funding, they won't be able to support programs that would need evaluating anyway.
Healthy thoughts out there to all...
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December 4th, 2008
09:48 pm - Why I skip to the Life & Arts section
Today on the front page of the Seattle P-I there was a story about a two year old girl who was put into a coma by a beating her mother's boyfriend gave her. The story was less about the crime and more about the failure of "the system." Her mother had signed some sort of promise that she wouldn't let her boyfriend be with the little girl unsupervised and would not let him discipline her. There had been numerous reports/complaints of him being too rough. Anyway, the whole thing makes me sick to my stomach, like the other stories about kids being beaten, tortured, neglected, etc. There are plenty of those stories. Horrific stories that are baffling.
( Read more... )
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/confused.gif) confused
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November 29th, 2008
09:28 am - Tamale Day
Thursday I made the vegetable stock and yesterday I made tomatillo salsa and the soy chorizo/potato filling. I'm on cleaning duty this a.m. and then I'll take the kids out so Matt can start assembling. He and I got into a little tiff Thursday morning because I over-invited and it caused him stress, so I uninvited a bit and we were both kind of annoyed but got over it.
Now we're excited to see (a few) friends. Our Portland friends are on their way, my oldest Oly friend, Kyra and her family, my new favorite Oly friend, Chie and her son, and Sequoia and Ariel who had a baby in June. I think we're making something close to 5 dozen tamales. There should leftovers.
The kids are in good moods and have been fun lately. Dario was eating breakfast and I was sitting next to him so he said, "I love you arm. I love you slipper. I love you hairy knee." He's full of love these days. Clio drew everyone that is coming today a personalized picture of either a fairy or a princess living in a cave or flying in the sky.
I have horrible PMS and am remembering back to the days when I worked at a Native American AIDS organization in SF. When the women who worked there had PMS or were menstruating we were asked NOT to cook for staff or clients. I can't remember why, but I'm hoping it's not a problem today.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif) cheerful
Current Music: muppet show
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November 23rd, 2008
09:31 pm - Gray Head
Yesterday I went for my every 6 month, $17 haircut with Lex. She cuts all of our hair, for cheap and does a decent job. I never get great haircuts from her, but they are fine and she's always been very supportive of me not trying to cover up the enormous amount of premature gray I have sprouting out of my head... Until yesterday, when she suggested I get my hair 'blended.' I'm not totally sure what that means, but she said that it would fade in three or four months, so it must be some sort of dying.
I'm not going to do it, not because I am so confident that I like looking a decade or two older than I am, but there is simply just too much. I'd have that bird pooped on my head look within five or six weeks.
Still, the whole thing is bugging me. My mom visited last week and she's does all the Southern California work to keep herself looking a decade or two younger than she is, including a lot of unhealthy things. Anyway, based on the way we were treated and things that were said, I'm fairly sure people thought we were sisters, or friends, or maybe a couple. I guess it doesn't really matter. Just hair-based insecure ramblings.
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November 15th, 2008
03:47 pm - Broke
We were planning on a visit to San Francisco next month to coincide with a work trip that Matt has to take but decided not to because we're still paying off my summer medical bills and since we're going into snotty season (and our insurance sucks), so we cancelled. I told a friend that we were, "fucking broke," which is a lot of hyperbole. I've been volunteering with a welfare rights organization in town called Parents Organizing for Welfare and Economic Rights and many of those families were starting at fucking broke and are now struggling in ways that are completely foreign to me. This comes at a time when DHSS is cutting services and during a period of increased scrutiny of those on public assistance.
So all that said, I know we're not fucking broke, but we're trying very hard not to go deeper into debt. Matt and I talked the other night and decided to drop Clio from 4 to 2 days in preschool, which is a bummer because I love the preschool we're going to drop (she's in 2) and she loves the one she's staying in. We talked about me getting a job, which is uncomfortable because I've been out of work for a year and a half and I'm getting pretty comfortable in the stay at home parent role. It's not all that fair to Matt who hates his job, works ten hour days often 6 days a week and travels 2-3 times a month.
We lowered the thermostat and I'm trying to restrain myself when I food shop. I was laying awake last night thinking of other things I could do to cut our expenses and/or bring in some money. When I was single and living in SF, I sold clothes, CDS, ova (or is it ovum?), participated in medical studies and picked up an evening phone sex job, which mostly just made me drink too much wine. They were short term fixes but they would get me through to the next pay day. Those things aren't an option now, so I guess I have to get more creative.
On a totally different note, my 2 year old has been really hard lately. There's so much whining and crying. I find myself feeling a lot like I did in my first marriage, totally emotionally dead. That's more hyperbole, but I do get really drained and tired when he wears me down. There's no fight or flight in me, it's like I want to lay down and let the bear attack. I know it will past, but it's making days with him especially long.
Current Location: Olympia, WA
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November 9th, 2008
01:00 pm - Olympia Love
I'm pretty terrible at keeping this up...and it really just feels like notes to myself (and Lisa!) but that's fine and therapeutic. Today Dario and I hung out downtown and I was thinking of all the things I love about Olympia, like:
- The facial hair. When I lived in the Castro, I really dug the Bears and their facial hair. Now Olympia has satisfied my need to see bushy faced boys. The winner of last years Worlds Best Beard lives in Olympia. Surprisingly, (really surprisingly) he was at the Goldcrest Neighborhood Association picnic. I forgot his name, but he does amazing things with his facial hair. I also see a fair amount of women here who let their facial hair grow, which is awesome.
- The beauty - Olympia is a gorgeous town. I'm writing this in November, when the leaves are bright orange, red and yellow. DJ and I were at the water today and there are gorgeous views all around. Coming from Sacramento, being in a physically beautiful place is a big difference. I tell Clio all the time, "We live in a beautiful place. We're so lucky."
- The artists - Oly is filled with incredible musicians, artists, performers... to have all of this in such a small town is impressive.
- The activists - Oh I have lots to say on this but I have to go clean the damn floor, but the Port protests, the resistance to the Sidewalk Ordinance, the great nonprofits, the permaculture movement, Olyblog, POWER, there are impassioned, smart, motivated people in this town.
- TESC - I don't know for sure, but I have a feeling that many of the other things I love about Olympia are due to the influence of Evergreen.
Olympia is also a great place to raise kids, it has incredible parks (Watershed is my favorite), the restaurant situation is okay...we could use more ethnic food. It's small but rich. Okay off to scrub the floor. It's a hard knock life.
Current Mood: anxious
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October 14th, 2008
04:57 pm - Growing Pains
I'm think I might start practicing mindfulness meditation. I don't live in the moment at all. I'm in the past, or thinking of the future. Lately I've been mourning Clio and Dario's childhoods. They're only 4 and 2, I'm not sure why I'm already feeling like it's gone, but it's slipping away. The baby days were rough for me. I thought it was all going to be easier and I remember waiting for Clio to be 6 months and then a year. With Dario I thought, 'I'll savor each moment,' but I totally didn't. I'm not so into the little babies. I love the toddlers though and as Clio is moving more into kiddom, I feel sad.
Dario told me the other day that I'm his best friend, and Clio recently promised to never move away. I have them so completely right now, emotionally and physically. Soon Clio won't like to be mauled by me and I won't know every detail of their day. Then there will be a day when they don't like me, maybe. Matt and I love our parents, but we find fault with each set. Sometimes we don't answer the phone when they call. Ugh, it hurts already.
I need to post more pics of the kids. They're sensitive, sweet and smart, most of the time. Clio did tell me the other day that she's going to vote for John McCain because she likes to say, "MCCAIN!" I told her I was glad 4 year olds can't vote. Her criteria for liking a candidate seems eerily close to my mom's.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) melancholy
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